Ghosting: why it might be the right thing to do
For the inner you
I had found myself growing apart from my friends more and more. Their sole focus in life was women, Friday nights in a new club looking for girls interest in one night stands, and Saturday nights back to the local to pick up local girls looking for the same thing.
And to be honest much of that time i was the tag-along, not interest in one night stands, but in an awkward position of being good with women, i found my phone ringing every Friday and Saturday night.
For about two years this was the norm for me, for the most part. And i bought into it fully, see growing up i didn’t have friends. So when i got some friends who called me, well it was exciting. People outside the walls of my room were calling me because they liked me and wanted to be friends.
Exciting times.
So for about two years, my phone rang nonstop. But as the years went on, i found myself well growing apart from my friends, i didn’t want to just fuck some random girl from the club. (happened once or twice, drunken mistakes it happens)
I found myself wanting a girlfriend, but more and more i wanted something different from what the others wanted. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. One night my friend was out on the dance floor, trying and failing to get attention from some girls i knew.
Standing a distance away from him, i looked on as he made himself look more and more like a complete ass, and then i was done. He pleaded with me, to help him get lucky. At the time i lied and told him i was going to the bathroom, i did, but i never returned.
I walked straight out of the club and into a taxi and cried. The Taxi man helped me a little by saying.
‘Pal you need a change in your life’
And change came that Sunday night, looking through Facebook, my friend’s list numbered an impressive for me 325. For a guy who had no friends for most of his life, this is an achievement. I deleted the account there and then, without even thinking about it.
I ghosted everyone.
Was it a good idea?
Over the next several weeks i was back in my room looking at the four walls, which no emotions at all. I wasn’t crying or sad or happy, i was numb. Depression was kicking in, social anxiety not knowing it then was following right behind it.
At times ghosting seemed like a bad idea. Some of my friends were getting girlfriends, some moved to other cities and well some just kept doing what they were doing before.
But within my solitude i began to listen to my younger self again, now i am not saying this time was an easy time. It’s hard being alone and i felt alone so many times. I cried some nights, but for the most part, i was numb to the world. The once happy go lucky Jason was numb to everything.
My family noticed it, They worried for me, i didn’t worry for me, i was numb. but my younger-self was speaking to me.
‘pick up that laptop and write’
I had wanted to write since i was 15, i started when i was 18 but life got in the way. So i started again, i wrote nothing good or all that interesting, but i was writing. Telling stories some about me, others from a world I’ve made up.
In my solitude i found something i was looking for, an inner peace i would never find in night clubs or between the legs of a local Irish girl.
As the years went on and I grew both as a writer and a man, i stumbled across old friends. And they were no different, five years had passed, and they were the same person, a little older longer in the tooth maybe, but the same person. And some missed me, but I didn’t miss them. I didn’t miss the life i had when they knew me.
Ghosting works,
It worked because, in losing everything and everyone around me; i found something inside me that no one can take away. I’ve published books and stories that the younger me would be happy about.
Link to my books, shameless plug.
Ghosting people can be hard, but ghosting can help you find a better you. A you, you’ve always been searching for.
Thanks for reading.
